Wild Dakota Heart (Book 4 - Dakota Hearts) Page 6

  She was sure her heart stopped beating. “What?”

  Tears filled Ethan’s eyes and his expression was shattered. She’d never seen Ethan cry, not even at Denny’s funeral. But then she was too wrapped up in her own fragile emotions to remember.

  “Look out there,” he said, his voice low against the whistle of the wind blowing past them. “Denny used to look out there at the view and say this was the closest to heaven he was ever going to get here on earth.”

  Ethan took a few steps closer to the edge of the cliff.

  “I came here with him that day because he was talking crazy. It only got worse the closer it got to the time I was supposed to leave for boot camp. He kept telling me I was going to be someone. I was going to be a hero. People were going to respect me. But he couldn’t be that way. He always built me up to be more than I was.” He looked back at Maddie and she saw the tears rolling down Ethan’s cheeks. “He believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. I never thought I’d be any of that. Not back then. I was just as lost as he was. Or so I thought.”

  He swiped his face with his hand. “You remember what we were like. My father used to say me and Denny were two bullets just waiting for the right gun. But it was more than being wild at heart for Denny. He…wanted to die, Maddie.”

  She couldn’t talk. All her emotions were lodged in her throat, choking her. Her brother wanted to die? She knew he was depressed. But he always put on a brave face for her. Could it be that he’d confided his darkest feelings to Ethan?

  “I don’t believe you,” she finally said. “Denny never would have done that.”

  Ethan cleared his throat and pointed to the steepest decline on the rock formation they were standing on. “He told me he was going to try driving down The Mammoth. I didn’t want him to. He’d been drinking. He had this wild look in his eyes and it terrified me. So I stayed in the truck and told him to just give me the keys. But he wouldn’t.”

  “You weren’t driving? They told my parents you jumped out of the truck before it went over. They found Denny on the passenger side.”

  “He didn’t have his seat belt on. I took mine off just as he started down the incline. I was afraid the brakes were going to lock. But as soon as I jumped out of the truck, he hit the gas. He disappeared over the side. I couldn’t see him. By the time I got to my feet, I heard the crash.”

  Ethan’s whole body looked depleted. His shoulders shook and Maddie knew he was sobbing.

  Consumed with emotion, Ethan bent down and snatched a handful of rocks from the ground and starting throwing them out into the direction where Denny’s truck plunged off the cliff with all his strength.

  “You stupid idiot!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. “I was your friend, Denny! You didn’t have to do this! I wouldn’t have left you if I thought you’d go through with it!”

  She couldn’t hold back the tears. “Why didn’t you tell my parents this?”

  Ethan turned to look at her, unashamed of the outburst that had left him raw. “How could I tell your parents something like this? What parent wants to think their kid wanted to die? It’s horrible.”

  She started to sob. “But you left anyway, Ethan. All these years you were gone. You never came back. I hated you for it.”

  She walked over to him and she started beating Ethan against the chest with her fists. But he grabbed her hands and held her back as she sobbed. “You left him to die alone and then you never came back.”

  Ethan pulled Maddie close to his chest, feeling her tiny body quaking against his. Every bit of him was raw and aching, but not from the lashing Maddie tried to give him. It was because he finally had some clarity that eight years as a Navy SEAL had never given him.

  “You don’t hate me because I left Denny alone, Maddie. You hate me because I left you alone. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I did that to you. I couldn’t save Denny. But I should have been there for you.”

  Her sobs grew louder and mingled in with his own.

  She pulled away from Ethan and wiped her face. “After all this time, why are you telling me this now?”

  “Because I see the way Denny’s death is still eating you up inside. You’re existing. You’re not living, Maddie. You’re just as angry with Denny as you were with me. Maybe it was easier to hate me than hate him for what he did. I don’t know.”

  “His death didn’t seem to hold you back at all. And you have all the military accommodations to prove it.”

  He shook his head, trying to make her understand what had been driving him all these years since Denny died. “Denny believed in me. Don’t you see, I thought if I didn’t achieve all those things Denny thought I could be that it would somehow mean his death was meaningless. It drove me every single day to be the man he saw through his eyes.”

  Her tears returned anew. “How could Denny want to die? Didn’t he know how special he was? How much he was loved?”

  Ethan shook his head. “He was in a lot of pain. I never knew just how much until that day.”

  “Why did you let me believe all these years it was your fault, Ethan? That wasn’t your burden to carry.”

  “He was my friend.”

  Her bottom lip trembled. With a shake of her head, she said, “Take me home.”

  Ethan pulled her closer and walked with her back to the SUV. When she climbed inside, he said, “I’m sorry, Maddie.”

  “I am, too.”

  # # #

  Chapter Eight

  The ride home brought silence. Maddie held the fuel tank cap in her lap and kept her eyes glued to the scenery out the window, watching their surroundings accelerate alongside the SUV's movements. The sun was already sinking low, just touching the tree line. In a few minutes it would be dark and she wouldn’t have to hide her face by turning away.

  Ethan had tried to save Denny. All these years, why had no one told her? Of course, he would try to save Denny. Not because he was a hero. Because he loved Denny. They were like brothers.

  It had never occurred to her that Ethan had been suffering over Denny’s death as much as her family had. He’d stayed away to spare her and to make himself into the man Denny insisted he could be. And Ethan had achieved all those goals and more by earning his place as a Navy SEAL and then becoming a police officer.

  She’d been so wrong about Ethan. And for what?

  As the car rolled up in front of her condo, she placed the fuel tank cap on the seat and released her seat belt.

  “Do you mind taking this into the house? It’s a little heavy,” she said.

  Ethan nodded.

  Maddie rummaged through her purse for her house key as they walked to the front door of her condo. The key slipped easily into the lock and the door opened. A cool rush of air, from keeping her air conditioning on during the day, bathed her face as she stepped inside.

  Maddie led Ethan through the hallway to the kitchen.

  “You can put the fuel tank cap on the kitchen table for now. That’s probably where I’ll work on it.”

  Ethan carefully placed the metal piece on the table and awkwardly turned around. She moved in close to him.

  “Maddie, I…” he started to say, but she stopped him by placing her finger over his lips.

  She looked up into his eyes feeling a swell of emotion so strong it consumed her. Ethan held her gaze, giving her strength to take her feelings one step more. Lifting up on her toes, she brushed her lips against his and waited. She felt his hesitation, felt the heat of his body against the cool air inside the room and wanted his heat. She wanted it like it was a drug she had to have to survive.

  After only a brief hesitation, Maddie felt Ethan surrender to the kiss. In one quick movement, his arm was around her waist, pulling her against the rock hard wall of his chest. His mouth devoured hers, teasing her lips with his tongue until she opened up to him and let him taste her.

  Reaching up, she placed her hand behind his head, pulling him closer with an urgency she’d never felt before. He followed her lead. His hands
roamed her body, caressing her back and shoulder. Then his fingers were in her hair as he deepened their kiss. And Maddie wanted more. So much more.

  But before she knew what was happening, Ethan abruptly pulled away and took a wide step back. Her mouth still moist and swollen from their kiss, she looked at him, confused by his sudden retreat.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He shook his head as if to shake something clear of himself. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For this. For kissing you.”

  She smiled shyly. “In case you didn’t notice, I was the one that started it. I was kissing you. And then you kissed me back.”

  “But…”

  “But what?”

  “I can’t do this to you.”

  “Do what?”

  “You’re my best friend’s kid sister. What happened today out at the cliffs, that’s enough to send anyone over the edge. I’m not going to treat you this way.”

  A chill raced through her and Maddie longed for the warmth of Ethan’s arms. It had been years since she’d dreamed of being in them, having him hold her and kiss her the way he had just seconds ago. And now he was telling her it was a mistake.

  Crossing her arms over her chest, she said, “I don’t understand.”

  “I can’t…I won’t do that to you, Maddie. You’re vulnerable right now. Only a bastard would take advantage of that. You deserve more.”

  As Ethan turned to leave, Maddie thought she’d die. All the times she’d dreamed of kissing Ethan, she never thought it would turn out like this, with him leaving her standing there alone. It was eerily reminiscent of the day he left the Navy.

  He reached the door, but before he could leave, she stopped him.

  “You’re a hypocrite, Ethan.”

  He stopped with his hand on the doorknob.

  “You told me I had some feelings to get over so I could move on and have a full life. You need to open your eyes to a few things.”

  He gave her a sidelong glance. “What’s that?”

  “How about the fact that I’m a woman, not a kid?”

  Ethan stared at her from down the hallway. All the heat she’d felt moments ago was there in his eyes. “I know,” he said, his voice low. “That’s why I’m leaving.”

  * * *

  The walk back to his SUV left Ethan empty. He’d just kissed Denny’s kid sister.

  Except…

  Maddie didn’t feel like Denny’s kid sister when she’d been in his arms. And he wasn’t thinking of Denny when her body was pressed against the length of his. Every bit of her was woman, soft, sexy and desirable. And all Ethan knew was he wanted her. All of her.

  He climbed into the SUV and looked back at her condo door, pulling in a deep breath to steady himself. His quickened pulse was like a timpani in his ear, pulsing through him at rapid speed.

  He’d wanted Maddie. And what startled him more was it wasn’t the first time.

  He thrust the key in the ignition with more force than needed and fired up the SUV's engine. It was still early enough that he could do some work on the motorcycle when he got home. But something told him he’d only sit and stare at metal parts all night.

  He pulled out of the parking space and drove to the entrance of the Wingate Condominium complex. Hitting the directional for a left turn that would take him home, Ethan glanced in the opposite direction. The Nolan property was to the right.

  He recalled the day he’d walked the property and saw the farmhouse in disrepair. The Realtor had long since left, but Ethan walked down to the river’s edge and sat on a boulder for at least an hour, listening to the frigid water of January breaking through chunks of ice and snow to make it down river. He remembered thinking about Logan’s farm being just a half mile further down that same stream and how nice it would be to build a life someday with someone special.

  The ice storm and floods had destroyed his vision for rebuilding the property. But there was still something that drew him there. Clarity. Contentment. He’d felt those that day even though he felt frozen by the time he went back to his SUV and headed home.

  The tick, tick, tick of the blinker pulled him from his thoughts. He turned the wheel and headed in the opposite direction of home, toward the Nolan property.

  * * *

  Ethan hadn’t seen Maddie in a few days. He’d called her house but got no answer. He’d driven by MW Oil and seen her car in the parking lot. He’d even asked his father how she was doing. But she hadn’t shown up at the house to help him with the motorcycle.

  He wanted to kick himself from one end of the garage to the other. He’d kissed her. The way she felt in his arms had been so wonderful. And he knew without a doubt that if he hadn’t left Maddie right at that moment, he would have made love to her.

  Frustration, he put too much force behind tightening a bolt on the motorcycle. His hand slipped and brushed up against a sharp piece of metal that was protruding too far out.

  “Damn!”

  Ethan looked down at the blood and grease on his hand.

  “Now you’ve done it.”

  Deep in his thoughts, he hadn’t heard footsteps or even a car pulling into the driveway. But Maddie stood just outside the garage door, peering in with a wide smile that took his breath away.

  “Did you break it?” she asked.

  He looked down at his hand and moved his fingers. “No, but I have a gash. I’m getting blood all over the floor.”

  “I was talking about the motorcycle. It’d be a shame if you did, especially after all the work I’ve done on the fuel tank cap.”

  “Gee, thanks.” He stood up and walked over to her until they were both standing outside the garage. In her hands, she held two soda bottles. Both were unopened.

  “What’s that?”

  “One’s for you,” she said, handing one of the bottles to him and then unscrewing the top of hers. Looking at his hand she said. “You need to wash that out first.”

  She placed her thumb over the mouth of soda bottle and shook it. For a second, it caught Ethan off guard. But then he saw her mischievous grin and he started laughing.

  “What do you think you’re going to do?”

  “You need to cool off.”

  She released her thumb from the mouth of the bottle just a little to allow a stream of soda pop to spray and directed the spray at Ethan. He quickly did the same and started spraying her. The two of them laughed as they chased each other around the front lawn, spraying until there was no soda left. Then Ethan ran over to the hose on the side of the house and turned it on full blast. The surprised look on Maddie’s face when she rounded the corner and he blasted her with water was priceless.

  “No fair!” she screamed, laughing. “You have the advantage. I don’t have a hose.”

  “You started it.” That alone was enough of a surprise for Ethan. She ran to the faucet and quickly turned the water off. The hose slowly drained of water until it was just a trickle. Ethan used the remaining water to clean out the cut on his hand.

  Still chuckling, and drenched to the bone, Maddie came over to him and pulled his hand towards her to inspect it. The feel of her hands on his left him lightheaded.

  She glanced up at him and smiled. “You’ll live.”

  “Yeah.”

  Her hair was soaking wet, and the white T-shirt she wore clung to her skin. And every bit of him wanted her as much as he had the other day when he’d kissed her in the kitchen.

  “You haven’t been around.”

  “I’ve been busy. I finished the artwork on the fuel tank cap.”

  “You did? But you left the sketches here. How did you do it?”

  “I was inspired by something else. Something more beautiful. I think you’ll like it.”

  “Great. Where is it so I can see it?”

  “It’s still at my condo. It needed to dry a little more before I put the final coat on it. Now I need to dry off. Thanks for the shower.”

  “You’re welcome.”
>
  She turned and started walking down the driveway to where her car was parked. “Stop by later.”

  “You’re leaving already?”

  “I need to take another shower to get all this sticky soda off me.”

  He watched her walk away and heard her musical laugh and he was suddenly a teenager again. His heart swelled with emotion that bubbled up in his throat and threatened to choke him. The Maddie he’d always known and loved was back.

  And with that thought, his heart stopped. Loved? Well, sure, he loved her. Ethan had known Maddie since she was just a little girl and he used to visit Denny at the house after school. But the love he felt now was different. And he did love her. What else could this be?

  Ethan had done so many wild things in his life. He’d been on black op missions that still made him nervous to think about. He and Denny had done countless pranks throughout their childhood that had left him trembling with fear along with the excitement.

  But none of that compared to this feeling. This love he felt for Maddie terrified him to the core.

  # # #

  Chapter Nine

  As far as bad ideas went, going over to Maddie’s condo was as bad as it got. He hadn’t been able to shake off the feelings he’d had earlier when they playfully ran around the front yard like kids. That kind of playfulness was something he’d forgotten about. He’d been so absorbed with becoming the man Denny thought he was that he’d forgotten.

  He walked up to the door, anticipation coursing through him like one of the freight trains he and Denny stupidly decided to jump on when they were thirteen. By the time they’d been able to jump off, they were already in Wyoming and they had to call their parents to pick them up. That long ride home felt like the walk to Maddie’s door.

  He’d known her practically his whole life and yet…it felt like he was meeting her for the first time.

  He rang the doorbell. After a few seconds, she opened the door. Her hair was tied up in the back of her head in a clip. She’d put on a light coating of lipstick that made her skin glow. She’d changed out of her wet shorts into a fresh pair of cutoff jeans and a coral tank top.