Fresh-Start Family Page 14

  He draped his arm across the back of the seat. “We can argue about that later. It was never my intention to hurt you, Jenna.”

  “I know. I don’t want you to give last night another thought. You’ve been hurt enough.”

  “Not so much that I’m willing to let it hurt you in any way.”

  She looked at him and placed her hand delicately on his cheek. He might have shaved before he’d come to the field, but stubble was already making his face rough beneath her fingertips.

  “I’m not Nancy, any more than you’re Kent. Neither one of us can replace what we’ve lost. And we can’t go back and change things.”

  “No one can. And I’m not asking you to be anything more than who you are.”

  “That’s good to hear. It’s hard enough making my own decisions and mistakes.” Her chuckle was bittersweet, and she shook her head. “Answer me something. Do you ever wish you’d taken that job at Fort McCoy?”

  “I’ve thought about it,” he answered honestly. “I came here to be alone and find some answers, try to get my life back on track. I can’t see how that job offer is going to do anything more than put me back where I was. And there’s much about where I was that I’m ready to leave behind.”

  She nodded her understanding. He hadn’t said no. Did that mean that eventually the pull of the military would send him away from Chesterfield and her, just like it had for Kent?

  “Good night, Tom.”

  She leaned across the cab of the truck and kissed him lightly on the lips. He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t lean into her, either. It was as if that wall he kept so firmly around him was keeping him safe. He’d let it down today, and she liked seeing that side of him. But now the walls were going back up. She was sure the idea that they were starting something they couldn’t finish was a risk he didn’t want to take. Did she?

  As she climbed out of the truck and slammed the door shut, she waved back at Tom. He gave her a wink and shifted the truck into gear.

  What surprised her more than anything was how much she didn’t want to see him leave. And that was answer enough for her.

  Tag navigated the truck around a pothole in the middle of the road and then let the road ahead lead him to his farm. The quiet of the truck seemed so out of place now that Jenna and Brian were no longer there. He didn’t like it. It made him see the depths of his loneliness like he hadn’t in a long time.

  He turned the corner onto his driveway and saw the empty house before him. As usual, the house was dark. Coming home to a cold house was becoming a habit he wasn’t so sure he liked anymore.

  He never needed a light to show him the way. But Nancy had always remembered to turn the light on so the house was at least inviting when they came home. He never seemed to think of the little things. In fact, he’d flat out forgotten about those things until he noticed Jenna picking up his jacket and hanging it up on the coat rack. Or picking up a dish and washing it before she left.

  Little things had a way of feeling so important when they were missed. And he had missed them. He just hadn’t realized it until now.

  Tag had been dead inside for a long time. Maybe not in body, but in spirit, in emotion. Today he’d felt more alive than he’d felt for quite a while. He’d laughed in a way that made him feel it deep in his chest, in that special place that reminded you that you were alive and life was worth living.

  He climbed out of his truck and paused as he reached the top porch step. Turning around, he gazed up at the star-filled sky. “Lord, has it really been that long?” he asked.

  The night sky always had a way of making him feel small, of putting him in his place when he forgot something important. And he had forgotten. He’d forgotten how important love was. That included love for the Lord.

  A feeling of warmth wrapped around him, hugging him tight until tears sprang to his eyes. Yeah, he’d walked away from God because of his anger and the pain that had been all too consuming to face. Tag had refused to let Him in and allow His love to heal him. But God had always been there. Just waiting for Tag to be ready to come back, to open his heart again.

  “Thank You for today,” he said, knowing He would hear him.

  Turning back to the dark house, Tag gave a quick laugh. He’d all but abandoned his fields today for a day of fun. But it had been worth it.

  The door was unlocked, and he pushed inside into the darkness, running his hand along the wall to flick on the light before closing the door. The sound of the answering machine beeping cut into the quiet. With a quick glance, he saw he had two messages. The first one was from the lumberyard, confirming his delivery of wood, which he planned to use to repair the rotted boards in the barn. The second one was from Wolf.

  “Tag, word is you’re planning on skipping D.C. Your CO is still calling the house nonstop, asking about you. Guess he figured since you won’t answer your phone, he’d enlist us to help nag. Man, I know how much you always hated ceremony, but this is a big deal. Oma will have a fit if you bail, and I don’t want to be here listening to her go off. I’m up, so give me a call whenever you get in. Just so you know, if I don’t hear from you, the next call is from Oma.”

  Tag smiled as he stared at the bright red numbers on the answering machine as it reset itself. Wolf always did know how to press his buttons.

  Even if he didn’t want to go to D.C. to accept that medal—and it was the last thing he wanted to do right now—Oma would make him. Having survived World War II Germany as a child, dealing with her own father being put in a German prison for not siding with Hitler, their grandmother made no bones about the fact that she was proud of her grandsons for fighting for freedom. He could already picture her sitting right up front during the award ceremony, beaming with pride.

  Tag groaned just thinking about it. Sure, he’d never been fond of ceremonies. But this wasn’t just about having to drag out his dress whites. He’d stood at attention during plenty of those ceremonies, while some major or general received another stripe or military award. But this ceremony wasn’t for them. It was for him. The military wanted to parade him around at the White House like some hero. And Pike’s family no doubt would be there to witness it. The thought of it made him sick.

  Picking up the phone, Tag figured he’d get the call over with lest he get one of his Oma’s tongue-lashings. It’d be good to hear Wolf’s voice. He only hoped he didn’t have to drudge up the past and bring a bitter ending to what had otherwise been a perfect day.

  They’d been gone all day, and what few dishes they’d left in the sink before they’d gone to the festival were now washed, dried and put away. Brian had had the quickest bath he’d ever had, even though there had probably been more dirt on him than on the ground. But he had been wiped out by the day and had immediately fallen asleep with a contented smile on his face.

  Jenna walked downstairs and felt the gentle breeze streaming into the house through the screen door. Memories of warm summer evenings invaded her mind. She pushed through the door and stepped onto the porch and found her father leaning against the railing.

  “I think you’re going to be hard-pressed to get that boy up for Sunday services tomorrow,” he said.

  Jenna chuckled, holding her hand against her chest. “He’s not the only one. And I still have a few hours of work that needs to be done before I can turn in.”

  Ben brushed his hand over his head and laughed. “I’m pretty tuckered out myself. Hurting in places I forgot I even had, too. It was good to see Brian enjoying himself that way, though.”

  She couldn’t agree more.

  “It’s a good night,” Ben said. “It’s a shame to waste it working.”

  She glanced over at her father, who looked a little uncomfortable. “I have to work, Dad. If I want to get these orders out and get paid, I’ll have to put in the time.”

  She couldn’t see her father’s face in the dark, but she knew he had something spinning in his mind.

  “I don’t want you thinking about this farm like it’s a bu
rden you have to hold up,” he said. “I want you thinking about you and Brian. What’s good for you.”

  “I am. The extra money I make is my contribution to what I want for me and Brian, Dad. Plus, the little extra can go into the savings for later on, when Brian needs a transplant.”

  “Too much work keeps your mind busy but doesn’t exactly leave you much room for anything more than sewing and Brian.”

  Her heart squeezed.

  “Before you go misunderstanding, I’m not thinking about me here. I’ve gotten along without you girls and your mother for a while now. I love that you and Brian are back. These last months getting to know my grandson have been precious. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have something for yourself outside of work, family and the farm.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “Tom’s a good man, Jenn.”

  She instinctively glanced toward the driveway, where she’d seen the red taillights of Tom’s truck disappear earlier that night. Her eyes still searched, even though she knew he was home.

  “I can’t argue with that.”

  Ben sighed and leaned his hands on the railing, looking away from her. “Your mom and I loved nights like this. Perfect for a drive.”

  Surprised, she said, “I don’t ever remember you and Mom going for evening drives.”

  He shrugged. “Not when you were little. We couldn’t leave you and your sister alone. Being a parent can be hard on the romantic moments in life, but it’s not impossible.”

  She stared wide-eyed at her father, which earned a laugh from him.

  “I’m not good at this the way your mother was. She was the one who always knew how to talk to you about boys and such. But she’s not here anymore, and so it falls to me.”

  Her heart tugged with renewed pain. “I still miss her so much.”

  “Me, too, baby. Me, too. Especially on nights like this, when it seems like the night is calling to me. But there’s no sense both of us wasting it.”

  “I didn’t say I was going to waste it,” she argued. “I have a lot of sewing to do.”

  “Girl, what has gotten into you? There was a time I could see the wheels spinning in your and your sister’s head about plotting to climb out the window and onto the porch roof just so you could run off and meet boys.”

  Jenna sputtered, “That was Elaine. Not me.”

  “But you wanted to. You just weren’t as brave as Elaine.”

  She shrugged. “I was too afraid of getting caught.”

  “Kent’s been gone for a few years now, and you act like you’ve forgotten men even exist anymore. And don’t tell me you haven’t been thinking about Tom Garrison in that way.”

  Her cheeks flamed. “Dad!”

  “I know. I know. I’m not saying this the way I want to.”

  “Look, we don’t have to be having any boy talks at my age, Dad. I’m a mother. I know all I need to know about boys.”

  “But you’re a woman, too. That’s something your mother would never have let you forget. That much I know.”

  “Dad,” she said quietly, then sighed. She turned the tables on him. “Are you sure you don’t want to go see Mrs. Norling for a while?”

  He paused, just looking at her for a moment, and then he sighed. “There’s nothing going on.”

  She chuckled softly, ignoring the twinge of jealousy she felt, because she knew it was just that, stupid jealousy. “Dad, you don’t have to hide it. I like the woman. I think even Mom would have approved.”

  “Probably. I don’t doubt your mother would be tarring my hide if she knew I’d waited this long to start looking for companionship. But I’m in no rush to change a friendship that has been a long time coming between Virginia and me.”

  “I don’t want us to be holding you back, either.”

  “You could never do that. Besides, neither one of us is in a hurry to make anything different. Virginia and I are good the way we are for right now.” He took a step forward. “You’re a young woman. There’s no reason for you and Tom to turn in at eight o’clock on a Saturday night because we’re all dead on our feet.”

  “It’s complicated, Dad. There are things you don’t know.”

  Ben lifted a shoulder. “But you do. That’s what’s important. I don’t need to know the details. I see the way he looks at you. And complicated or not, Tom’s a good man. That’s important, too.”

  “Is this your way of giving me your blessing, allowing me to finally sneak out of the house for a secret rendezvous?”

  Ben scrubbed his thinning silver hair with his hand. “You didn’t ask my permission when you should have, and I don’t expect you to ask for it now. But yes, you have my blessing.”

  “Good, because you couldn’t be any more subtle if you kicked me out the door with your boot.”

  Ben laughed good and hard and looked up at the sky. “This is a good night. It should be enjoyed.”

  With a deep breath, Jenna turned to her father, tears clinging to her eyes. “Thank you, but…”

  He smiled quickly, then nodded. “Go. Brian will be all right.”

  “I have a lot of work to do,” she said and turned away from her father. She didn’t know what she was running from more, the conversation or her own desire to climb into that truck and drive over to the Garrison farm.

  There was absolutely no way Jenna was going over to Tom’s tonight. There were about a billion things that had taken up residence on her to-do list, and she was bent on evicting every single one of them for good.

  Fatigue pulled at her as she climbed the stairs to her sewing room. She dragged the chair out in front of her sewing machine and picked up a piece of fabric that she’d already laid the pattern on and cut to size.

  Despite the fact that the working light above the sewing machine was on, the moonlight spilled into the small room. She didn’t need moonlight or romance. She had a mountain of work to keep her company tonight.

  With a defeated sigh, she pulled a bolt of fabric from the pile in the corner and unrolled it. She had work to do.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The phone call with Wolf hadn’t brought him down, as Tag had feared. It was filled with a lot of good memories, mixed with a few that he was able to move past. At least for the moment.

  It was clear the family had chosen Wolf to press him about going to the medal ceremony. Tag hadn’t committed to going, but he hadn’t refused, either. The triumphant sound of Wolf’s voice as he hung up made Tag think he’d already lost the battle.

  A smile tugged at his lips as he looked out the window. It had been a good day. One to help erase a lot of pain and replace it with laughter and new memories. Tomorrow was another day for work and more memories.

  He wasn’t sure if any day could compare to today.

  “I don’t know how I ended up here,” he said aloud to the night sky. “But I’m glad that I did.”

  He’d spent many nights screaming at the sky, cursing with a fuming rage at the injustice of what had happened to his family, half expecting to hear the Lord shout back to him. Maybe blame him for being so selfish about choosing the military over Nancy and Crystal. Now he wondered if he’d been screaming too loudly to hear God’s answer, or recognize His forgiveness.

  Feeling oddly energized despite his busy day, Tag managed nothing more than a few hours of sleep. When he finally woke up and looked out the bedroom window, it was 5:00 a.m. and the morning light was just touching the sky, almost calling to him to get in the air.

  He walked downstairs and out onto the porch in his bare feet. The cool, early breeze coming in over the fields bathed his face as the farm—his farm—slowly came into view as dawn lifted.

  “I have a feeling this was Your plan all along.” He spoke the words quietly as he looked up at the sky, knowing no one but God was going to hear him. But that was okay.

  The image of Jenna Atkins’s smile flooded his mind. Something that had been dead a long time suddenly burst to life when she was near.

  Hearing her
laughter at the festival had made Tag think of times before his captivity, when life had been good and he’d felt his world was whole. He’d handled things badly then, made the wrong decisions about what was most important. He’d learned his lesson on that point, and while it had been devastating, he was starting to believe that it had made him stronger. If he had a second chance at happiness, then this time he just might get it right.

  Reaching back and securing his hands at the nape of his neck, he watched as the millions of stars that had dotted the blue-black sky just a half hour ago blinked out one by one in the morning light.

  He didn’t want to be alone for this moment, but it was more than that.

  He wanted to be with Jenna.

  There was a light on downstairs in the den, which Tag hoped meant someone was awake at the Atkins farm. Jenna had said that she had a lot of sewing to catch up on. Maybe she’d gotten up early to get started before Brian woke up. With any luck, she’d be awake.

  Anticipation rolled through him. Within seconds Jenna came bursting out of the front door onto the porch. Despite the porch’s shadows, he could see from the light filtering out from the den window that it was her. A smile immediately hit his face, but then he saw the panic in her eyes when she came down the porch steps.

  His stomach clenched as the quiet peace he’d been feeling during the drive over shifted into concern. Had something happened? Was that really why she was up so early?

  The truck ground to a halt in front of the house. Her bare feet were already crossing the yard as he turned off the engine and climbed out.

  “What are you doing here so early?” she called out, watching him as he carefully closed the door without making too much noise. “Is there something wrong?”

  Jenna’s hair was rumpled, and her eyes showed fatigue, as if she’d been up all night working after the exhausting day they’d had. But there was no fear or worry or distress written there. The troubled lines that normally creased her forehead were gone. It was clear she was glad to see him.

  “I hardly slept at all last night. I tried, but I managed only a few hours,” he said.