Her Heart for the Asking (Book 1 - TEXAS HEARTS) Page 11

The moon was bright, filling every space of the porch. Mandy could see ever fine line on his face to the slight crease in his cotton shirt.

  "I just got off the phone with my travel agent," she said.

  "You going somewhere?"

  His attempt at sarcasm sliced through her. "Beau, you knew this day was coming."

  He was silent for a minute. "Yeah," he said quietly.

  "It's good to have Uncle Hank home again. From what his doctor says, as long as he doesn't overdue things and continues his therapy, he'll make a full recovery. We've done what we've come back to do so there's no reason to stay."

  A cloud of disappointment masked his face and she fought to see past it. Wished even more she didn't have to feel it herself.

  "I guess not."

  "You must be ready to get back on the road again, huh?"

  "Yeah," he said tightly.

  Her shoulders sagged from the weight of it all. "Don't be like this, Beau."

  He looked at her directly. "You want me to make it easy for you? I'm not good at good-byes."

  "That's not the way I remember it."

  "It wasn't easy for me to leave you, Mandy."

  "It's not easy now. For either of us," she said looking away from his face, at the floorboards, the glider, the porch rail. Anything but his handsome face in the moonlight.

  "Look, I know this is what we planned to do when we came back to the Double T. No one more than me wanted to get Hank to have his surgery and be back out the door again. But hasn't anything between us changed things for you?"

  "Of course it has. So much of this has. I can't ever think of the Double T the same as I did before I came here two weeks ago."

  "And you're still leaving."

  "How can it be any different between us, Beau? You said yourself I'm not the kind of woman to go roaming the country. And I realized you're right. I'm a lot like my mother that way."

  She reached up and touched the light stubble on his chin, feeling the tension in his jaw from pent up emotion. She was feeling it, too. Oh, how she wished...

  "My life is back in Philadelphia. After you left for the rodeo circuit, after all those dreams we'd talked about... Well, I had to go on with my life. I had to forget about all that and figure out how to build my life without you. And I did that, Beau. You were right. I was just a kid falling in love for the first time. I would have followed you to the ends of the earth like a stray puppy, but eventually it wouldn't have worked. If you let yourself be honest, you'll see that it wouldn't work that way now. I'm not a rambling cowgirl. I never was. It wouldn't make me happy."

  "Are you happy in Philadelphia?"

  "I was happy here with you," she answered honestly. She realized she needed to say it, and Beau needed to hear it from her. "Despite everything, being with you again made me very happy."

  "But."

  "But we can't live our whole lives for some brief moments in Texas."

  "Why can't we? Why can't you go back to Philadelphia and--"

  "And catch up with you when the rodeos in town? Or maybe when the rodeo you’re in one week coincides with me having to visit a client?"

  "It wouldn't have to be like that."

  "I can't see how else it could be."

  "So this is it for us."

  She nodded, trying her best to keep herself from crying, to keep herself from taking everything that she'd said back and tell Beau that she'd follow him to the ends of the universe if it meant they'd be together. That nothing else mattered as long as they were in each other's arms.

  "When's your flight leaving?" he finally asked.

  She cleared her throat. "Tomorrow morning. Very early in fact. Aunt Corrine said that if anything happens, if she needs anything, she'll call right away. No matter how stubborn Uncle Hank is about it. He gave me his word, too."

  "His word is good. If anything does happen, you'll call me?"

  "Sure," she said, knowing there probably won't be a need. Knowing too, it would take some work tracking him down, although there probably wouldn't be the need.

  "I'll take you to the airport."

  "It's too early. I figured I'd take the bus. That way no one will lose half a day driving me out there and back."

  "I don't mind." He sighed. "I can't bring myself to say good-bye to you here."

  "Okay, I appreciate it." It wasn't going to be any easier to say good-bye at the airport or any place else.

  They stood on the front porch, under a slice of bright yellow Texas moon. They'd spent many a nights in this very spot holding each other, neither wanting to let go. But as much as she wanted Beau to drag her into his arms and kiss her like there was no tomorrow, she knew it wouldn't happen. She was the one leaving this time. She absolutely refused to watch him go. And she knew he was hurting just as badly as she had all those years ago. As bad as she felt now.

  "Will you make me a promise, Beau?"

  "Sure. Anything."

  "Go see your father before you leave?"

  "Anything but that," he said tightly.

  "No, Beau. That's the only thing. It's important."

  "Nothing has changed."

  "You don't know that. It's been a long time, Beau, and your father is getting older, too. I almost lost Hank. You don't know how much time you have left to make this right. No one knows how much time they have to say what's in their hearts. Promise me you'll try."

  "I...I can't."

  "It's all I want, Beau. All I'm asking of you."

  "I can't do it, Mandy. Not even for you. It wouldn't work out."

  "You don't know that if you don't try. People go their whole lives not saying what's truly in their hearts. They hurt and allow the silence to make the hurt go deeper until all you can do is put a blanket over your heart to keep from getting bitter. And even then sometimes that doesn't work."

  "Is that what you did when I left?"

  "Yes," she admitted. "Except seeing you again has helped me take that blanket off again. I don't regret what we shared then or now."

  Beau lifted his eyes to look at Mandy in the moonlight. Lord she was beautiful.

  "You need to tell him you love him, despite all the hurt. You need to tell him that no matter what horrible things you said to each other, he's still your dad and you love him. Because no matter what you say, I know you love your father. Otherwise, what he did wouldn't have hurt you so badly. You have to do it before his days run out and you never get the chance."

  He fell silent.

  "Just tell me you'll think about it before you leave. Please, for me?"

  "I'll think about it."

  "Thank you."

  She turned much too quickly, not giving him enough time to regroup his feelings. He couldn't recall the last time he'd felt so raw and exposed.

  "Mandy?"

  But she was already racing through the screen door. He followed on her heels, only to be stopped by Hank's solemn look as he sat in the corner of the living room. Instead of chasing after Mandy up the stairs, he treaded lightly into the living room and dropped down into the chair opposite Hank.

  "You're looking a whole lot better than I've seen you of late."

  "Feel a lot better, too. In some ways anyway."

  Hank's gaze was steady on Beau. What he saw was regret. That was something he didn't see often in a man like Hank.

  "I'm sorry," Hank said quietly.

  "What for?"

  "I should have never come between you the first time."

  "It wouldn't have made a difference and you know it. She would have ended up hating both of us for not stopping her. She's happier this way."

  "Do you believe that?"

  Beau's sigh was heavy. He wanted to believe Mandy was happy. She'd said she was happy here with him. But she was still leaving.

  "Is that why you asked me to come back?"

  Hank shrugged. "Partly. There were a lot of things that needed to be said. A big part of me wanted her to know before I died that I was her father. 'Cept I couldn't bring myself to tell her.
I guess I was hoping you'd--"

  "I didn't tell her, Hank. I promised you eight years ago she'd never learn the truth from me or my father."

  Hank shook his head. "I can't figure it out then."

  "She's a smart woman."

  "That she is. Are you going to let her get on that plane tomorrow?"

  Beau tossed his straw hat to the end table. "I can't stop her from doing what she wants to do."

  "What about you? They're saying I'm gonna heal up pretty good. Are you ready to hit the road again?"

  "I guess now is as good a time as any for us to talk about that."

  * * *

  Mandy woke to the smell of bacon and the sounds of hands already hard at work out in the barnyard. Lifting her head off the pillow, she realized she'd have to hustle to make it to the airport on time.

  She gone through the motions of packing her clothes and tossing her the makeup she hadn't worn at all since she'd arrived at the ranch the night before after she'd left Beau on the porch. She didn't want him to see the tears that were pushing their way out. She'd let her heartache out alone in her room and cried her tears into the pillow. She was going to miss him.

  She'd known leaving Texas was going to be hard. She'd worry about Hank and Corrine. And her heart would ache for Beau Gentry yet again. Only this time it would be worse because she didn't love him with the innocence of a young schoolgirl anymore. Now she loved him with the heart of a woman who knew what love was all about and how it could fill your soul more than any career she strived for. Now she knew that deep love could give her riches like nothing else. Except, she'd have to live her life never sharing that love with Beau.

  She dragged herself from underneath the sheets and quickly showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and light cotton shirt. When she got home, the new clothes would get tucked away in a drawer, the boots would be buried in the back of her closet along with her cowboy hat. She wasn't a rodeo man's woman. She never had been. She'd have to tell herself that many times to get through the days to come. And she'd have to remind herself that she'd learned to live without Beau Gentry's love once before, she could do it again. She only hoped that this time she'd listen.

  Breakfast was on the table and hands were barreling through the kitchen door when Mandy climbed down the stairs with her suitcase.

  "Ya'll ready to go?" Hank asked.

  She bent down and kissed his cheek. "In a few. I just need to give you and Aunt Corrine a couple more hugs and kisses to last me until I see you next."

  "Ah, doll, make it soon," Corrine said, giving her a quick hug. "Now you sit down and eat some breakfast before you run off."

  "The flight serves a meal."

  "Ugh," Hank said. "You passing up Corrine's hotcakes for some airplane slop?"

  "If I eat much more of Aunt Corrine's food I won't be able to fit into my jeans," she said, trying to sound lighthearted when she felt anything but. All the while she checked the doors for signs of Beau. The other hands were already hard at work on their breakfast. There was no sign of Beau.

  She listened to the sounds filtering in from the window from the yard. No whistling. No boots clopping against the hard earth.

  Hank took her by the hand. "There's time, darlin'. Sit and have some coffee at least."

  She did as she was told. She talked about old times and days to come. She promised that she'd be coming back to the ranch again in a few months to go riding with Hank on the cattle drive. Her first. And as she said good-bye and the other hands ran out the door, her heart felt a heaviness and a renewed sense of hope all at the same time. There were tears and a lot of laughter when Beau finally appeared in the doorway.

  "If we're going to make the flight, we should leave now." His voice was deep with the same heaviness she felt inside. Without looking at her, he reached down for her bags and spun out the door.

  "You call me as soon as you get home, you hear?" Corrine said, kissing her one last time on the cheek.

  "I will." She gave a few extra seconds to Hank's hug, then said good-bye to both of them.

  She was relieved when she walked out onto the porch that the other hands had made themselves scarce. Beau was standing beside his truck, the passenger door already open.

  Taking a long look around the ranch and the hills beyond the pasture, she realized she was going to miss the Double T. Beau had asked her endlessly if she was happy in Philadelphia. She had to wonder how she could have thought she was ever happy there when being here with Beau gave her the greatest joy she could ever imagine. She had to wonder, too, if she'd feel that same happiness if she were here without him.

  No, she told herself. She wouldn't think of what if's or could be's now. She was going home. Where she belonged. And Beau was going to ride out of Texas on another sunset without her. This time, she wouldn't watch him go. That much she was sure of.

  "You ready?" Beau asked.

  "I'm ready."

  She climbed into the cab of the truck and secured her seat belt. A stab of pain pierced her heart and made her eyes swell with tears. Hank and Corrine would standing together in the doorway of the porch. Mandy didn't have to turn around to know they were there. She felt it.

  Fixing her sight to the driveway ahead, she braced herself for what was sure to be a long and painful ride. She immediately regretted agreeing to let Beau drive her all the way to the airport. She should have told him to drop her off at the bus station and suddenly wondered if she'd make her flight if he did that now.

  She was mulling over the best way to tell him just that when the truck suddenly rolled to a stop at the front gate of the Double T.

  She snapped her gaze to Beau as he jammed the truck into park.

  "What's going on? Why are we stopping?"

  Beau didn't say a word. Instead, he flung the driver’s side door open and strode around the front of the truck to her side, opening the door.

  "Come on," he finally said, taking her hand.

  Undoing her seatbelt, she slid out of the cab without a word. Holding his hand, she followed him up a small incline that gave a picture perfect view of the ranch and the hills beyond.

  Silently, he twisted her around so her back was snug against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder.

  "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

  "Yes," she answered, swallowing the hard lump in her throat.

  "You built a life without me back in Philadelphia," he whispered. "I can understand that. But I want you to know that when I'm holding you like this, or even looking at you from across the yard, I'm the happiest I think I've ever been in my life. What I feel for you is like nothing I've ever felt before. Nothing I've ever known in my life."

  Her bottom lip trembled, and she didn't trust herself to speak.

  "Spending these last few weeks here at the Double T has brought me face to face with a lot more than you, Mandy Morgan," Beau said.

  "What are you talking about?"

  "About us, about life. I never understood what Hank meant about roaming and coming home until now."

  "Beau-"

  "No, Mandy, listen to me. I've been thinking about what you said about my father. I don't think it will do a bit of good but I'm at least going to give it a try and that's a start."

  "I'm glad," she said, tears stinging her eyes.

  "There's more and you have to hear it before you go."

  She craned her neck to look up at him and he kissed her forehead. She turned back to the horizon, to the ranch and all it had given her.

  He was silent for what seemed like an eternity. She could feel his heart pounding against her back.

  "You still steal my breath away. I can't let go of you," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

  Then don't let me go, Beau. She wanted to say the words, wanted to tell him they'd find a way to work it out so they could be together. If only...

  "I have a plane to catch," she said, trying to pull free from his arms.

  But Beau held on to her tighter
. "There are other planes."

  "Not today."

  "Then tomorrow. Stay with me today. There'll be another one tomorrow."

  "And rodeos?"

  He shook his head. "No, no more rodeos."

  "Of course there will be."

  "It's time for me to stop and settle in somewhere. I know I could just as easily go back to working the ranch with my father, but in the end, nothing will change. He'll still hate not owning the Double T...and he'll hate that I'm desperately in love with the enemy’s daughter."

  "What did you say?"

  He turned to her, framing both hands on her face. "I love you, Mandy. More than anything. I'm not letting you leave here without you being absolutely sure of that fact. I love you."

  More than rodeo and the world championship? she wondered. He hadn't said it, but she saw the answers to all her unspoken question shining in the depths of his eyes. He did love her more than all the rest. This time she was sure of it.

  "I'm done roaming. I've found the thing that is more important to me than rodeo. You. And this is where I want to be, right here with my arms around you."

  He reached out and grazed her cheek with his fingers, sending shooting sparks flying in every which direction. "And I'm hoping one day this is where you'll want to be too."

  "Oh, Beau," she whispered. "Why now?"

  "Why not now when it matters most? There's nothing holding us back. You said yourself people don't say what's truly in their hearts until it's too late. I don't know how to tell you what I'm feeling. I only know I don't want it to be too late."

  "It's already too late. It won't change anything. You say you're done roaming. But pretty soon, you'll be itching to rodeo again. And what about me? I have friends, and a great job and...and...a life somewhere else. In Philadelphia. None of that fits in with rodeoing."

  "I hear you. And I heard everything you said last night, too. You've built a life without me. But you could have a life here, too, and a man who loves you more than life itself.

  "I'm just asking you to think about it. That's all. Go back to Philadelphia and live your life and if you're happy there, then fine. I'll have to accept it. But if you're not, then know I'm going to be right here waiting for you."

  "You're really going to throw away the World Championship? You're not leaving?"